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This crazy bastard [above] is William Temple. He attended the "Tea Party Convention" in Nashville last weekend dressed in colonial-era gear. His clothes were the most normal thing about him.

That was some convention of whackos this past weekend in Tennessee. No, not at Graceland, smartass. I'm talking about the 600 "delegates" at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville. These angry populists feel taxed to death, ignored by their elected representatives and the media [not to mention their therapists], and appalled at the federal government's spending. They claim there are millions of Americans just like them. Let's hope they're relegated to those parts of the country that nobody ever hears from. As for the 600 losers in Nashville, their anger is real. Of course, so is their neuroses. True, populist fervor has helped claim some political scalps already - namely in Massachusetts - I'm just not sure if that indicates the kind of "revolutionary" portent the media is assigning to it. For one thing, any time a group makes a vow to "take back America", I head for zee hills because it's only a matter of time before the hoods and burning crosses come out.

For another thing, gauging from the comments of some of the 600 in Nashville, none of them is clear on how they might "take back America". There is no doubt that it is critical moment for whatever you want to call this movement. It is - or, at least appears to be - people-powered. They have been deliberately left leaderless to give voice to all frustrations. For, as soon as a leader is chosen, someone in this band of maniacs is bound to be against whatever it is he or she stands for. With no leader, the group's convention was festive, even giddy. And there's nothing more disturbing than a giddy populist.

One of them was a California woman counseling people on how to register new Republican voters in their communities. Others criticized the Republican Party as fiercely as they did the Democratic Party. Most attendees lashed out against the practices of the Washington establishment, but there was a man from Memphis who announced the formation of a political action committee [PAC]. Another - that most dangerous of specimens: a former Congressman - delivered a fiery defense of America's "Judeo-Christian values." Of course, he did this probably after a night of watching the hotel's cable-porn channel. There were even "delegates" who walked out of a prayer session because they thought it "crossed a line".

The convention, which concluded Saturday night with an hysterical keynote address by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin (R), in some respects had the feel of a big blind date between two forty-year old virgins. The delegates chatted each other up for a year online, checking out each other's ideas and grievances, and they thought they might have something in common. Then they spent a couple of days together, at a very nice resort, nibbling hibachi beef and browsing elegant "tea bag" jewelry, to see whether they liked each other enough to actually fuck before one of them died.

Jeff Link, a luxury jewelry maker from New York, says that President George W. Bush started the fiscal policies that ruined the economy and that President Obama is making them worse, a belief shared by many here. But, he says, looking at the crowd, which was overwhelmingly white and middle-aged, "it saddens me not to see this gathering more diverse." Yeah, I'm sure it broke his heart.

Jim Linn, an electrical engineer from San Diego, says that strict term limits must be imposed to "get control of Congress" and that the Constitution must be interpreted in ways that match his understanding of the Founders' intent. Yes, that's just what we need: an electrical engineer's interpretation of the Constitution. As if Clarence Thomas' interpretation wasn't bad enough. For Linn, such an interpretation would mean scrapping a lot of the amendments. He'd keep the Second, Tenth, Sixteenth and Seventeenth, he says; although he showed no evidence of knowing what any of those are, with the exception of the Second ["right to bear arms"; the Tenth states that powers not granted to the national government nor prohibited to the states by the Constitution of the United States are reserved to the states or the people; the Sixteenth allows the Congress to levy an income tax without apportioning it among the states or basing it on Census results - here I'm guessing he meant the Thirteenth, which abolished slavery; while the Seventeenth provides for the direct election of U.S. senators - here, again considering what he thought the Sixteenth was, I'm guessing he means the Fourteenth, which provides a broad definition of citizenship, overruling the decision in Dred Scott v. Sandford (1857), which had excluded slaves, and their descendants, from possessing Constitutional rights]. This would-be Constitutional scholar says he worries that a deeper depression is coming, and he tells his friends to store food, even though he knows it makes him sound like a crackpot. Self-awareness is the first step on the road to recovery, Mr. Linn.

All you need to know about Annie and Tom Runn is that they've done missionary work in Haiti and Cuba. Right: they're nuts. They spent the week prior to the convention at the Republican National Committee gathering in Hawaii, where they live, and then came to Nashville. They can't support Obama because he's for "abortion and homosexuals," Tom Runn said. God forbid. "We would support and vote for Sarah [Palin] over and over and over." So much, then, for the Twenty-Second Amendment limiting presidents to two terms in office, I guess.

Lori Christenson, who started the Evergreen-Conifer Tea Party in Colorado in her house using the social networking site Meetup.com [I believe that's how James Madison met Thomas Jefferson], wants politicians to act like their power comes from the people, not from their celebrity. Her group refuses to get involved with conservative social issues, which she calls "very, very divisive." Well, give her points for that at least. "I am coming to realize at this convention," she said, over the thundering of a speaker from Judicial Watch, "that we are very, very different in terms of our beliefs. So now what?" Bingo.

In Washington, where Democrats were oblivious to voter anger in Massachusetts and lost their supermajority in the Senate because of it, White House officials kept a close watch on the developments in Nashville. "The tea party movement has grown out of a sense of frustration about government here in Washington," senior adviser David Axelrod said Sunday on C-SPAN. "It's not isolated to Democrats or Republicans. . . . There is a sense that this town is consumed by politics, that people are consumed by their own ambitions and that we're not dealing with the real problems." Spoken like a man who is not part of that Washington establishment...except, of course, Axelrod has been a part of it for 12 months. Oh, well, never mind....

So far, the only formal political machinery to emerge from the convention is a planned PAC announced Friday by Mark Skoda, a leader of the Memphis Tea Party, in front of a worldwide press corps of nearly a hundred, who clearly need to get a hobby. Skoda said the PAC would help elect up to 20 political candidates who advocate fiscal responsibility, less government, lower taxes, states' rights and strong national security. But it was not clear that Skoda's Ensuring Liberty Corp. would gain the support of the hundreds of tea party groups across the country. "Let us not be naive here," Skoda said. "Holding up signs and simply responding with emotion does not get people elected. . . . While this is not the only way that the tea party movement can progress and mature, this is one way that we believe it can seek together the approach to counter the fragmentation that exists today."

Skoda, who grew up in a family of Democratic politicians near Cleveland, said he has spent much of his working life as an executive with UPS and FedEx, opening up markets in Asia and Europe, an experience he said deepened his appreciation of the conservative values of liberty and economic freedom. I'm sure UPS and FedEx - assuming he really was an executive there - must be thrilled to be associated with this nonsense. Skoda says the PAC is not an attempt "to replace the Republican National Committee," but rather "a way by which people who have worked so hard thus far in the rallies, whose voices have not been heard, will be able to participate with their talents and their treasures -- and ultimately assure that the people are elected."

One emerging set of principles that could align tea party groups is taking shape on the Tea Party Patriots' Web site, where registered members can contribute to something that might resemble a platform. "Note it is called the Contract From America, not the Contract With America," said William Temple, who runs a tea party group in Brunswick, Georgia. "We are the ones giving the direction." How terribly clever. Temple, who is white, says he is a pastor of "an all-black Maranatha" church, a painter, a retired Secret Service and Homeland Security employee, and a historical reenactor -- he made these pronouncements using an accent he hoped would sound early American, and he was dressed in period costume as Button Gwinnett, a signer of the Declaration of Independence. In other words, he too is crazy as hell.

Although some here praised Obama for his energy and for making history, many delegates said concern over his policies has pushed them into political activism for the first time in their lives.

On Thursday night, giving the opening address, former U.S. representative Tom Tancredo (R, Colo.), who ran for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination as an anti-immigration [read 'Lunatic'] candidate, railed against Obama and "the cult of multiculturalism." Americans could be "boiled to death in a cauldron of the nanny state," he said. "People who couldn't even spell the word 'vote,' or say it in English, put a committed socialist ideologue in the White House." When Tancredo said, "His name is Barack Hussein Obama," the audience booed loudly.

EDITOR'S NOTE: OK, time-out whackos. Can we stop with this 'Obama is a socialist' bullshit? Listen, no one is more vocal against his health care plan, but the man is not a socialist. He's not a Bolshevik, a communist, or a collectivist either. He's a member of the Democratic Party and he's on the Left. That's it. Now, back to your ranting.

"The race for America is on," Tancredo said. "The President and his Left-wing allies in Congress are going to look at every opportunity to destroy the Constitution before we have a chance to save it. So put your running shoes on."

He better have his running shoes on, because those guys in the white coats and butterfly nets are hopefully right around the corner.

The Ultimate "Happy Ending"

THE PAWNBROKER AND THE WHORE: Illinois wanna-be Democratic Lt. Governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen [above] is Illinois' newest gift that just keeps on giving.

I love Chicago. Not only is it a fabulous city [the 4 hours I spent idling on a Midway Airport tarmac in the middle of August with no air conditioning not withstanding] but the politics are simply precious. We know all about Blago and his predecessor, George Ryan - one in jail the other indicted. Now we have the race for Lieutenant Governor. This is convoluted, so get a scorecard [and some booze].

Illinois is one of those whacko states where the Lieutenant Governor runs independent of the Governor - despite the fact that the last two LGs have had to assume the office of Governor after the indictments of the incumbent. So, the office itself has often been a place where very wealthy and very inexperienced neophytes spend a lot of their own money to get the office. This was the case just last week when former Lt. Governor/Now Governor Pat Quinn won his primary on the Democratic side, going for a full term in office in his own right. For the race for LG, it was won by a millionaire pawn broker named Scott Lee Cohen [as my mother would say, "Naturally, he has to be Jewish"]. This guy Cohen was going to be great for columnists as long as he would have stuck around. Alas, last night the big pussy wimped out and said he would quit the race.

That's a real shame. This guy was comedy gold. The calls for Democrat Cohen to step aside - just days after his primary election victory - grew too loud, as party leaders feared allegations of domestic abuse and other "unsavory" behavior would ultimately doom their chances in the November election. As if Blago's legacy wasn't enough to do so.

Top Democrats from Springfield to Chicago spent the weekend saying Cohen should drop out. These included Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan [currently second in line to Quinn in succession with no current LG], the nominee for Illinois Comptroller David Miller, U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin and U.S. Reps. Danny Davis and Phil Hare. All joined Illinois State Treasurer Alexi Giannoulias - running for the seat sleazily held by current U.S. Senator Roland Burris - in asking Cohen to withdraw. On Sunday night, he finally agreed.

Why, you ask? Well, let's just say that, like a lot of us, Cohen likes sex. Unlike most of us, he gets it wherever and whenever he can with whomever is available. Including prostitutes. Oh, and he hits them, too. See, it's that last part that bothers me. I also don't like the fact that these Illinois pols are equating banging a whore with beating a woman. Sorry, folks, not even close. Consensual sex between two consenting adults - even if one is using his Visa card - is perfectly fine. You can argue that it is immoral, sleazy, whatever, but there's nothing really truly wrong about it. Domestic violence, however, is so grossly over the top and beyond that that to equate the two is insulting to the victims of the crime. OK, enough of my soapbox.

Illinois' Democratic pols - who no doubt wish Cohen's transgressions would've come to light a week earlier - are simply stunned that - 12 months after dealing with Blago - once again they are in electoral hell. State Attorney General Madigan said Cohen's "extreme character flaws are an insult to the people of Illinois" and called on him to step down "immediately." "His background is worrisome, it's troubling," said Durbin, who seemingly spends half his day issuing calls for other pols' resignations [remember his attempt to convince embattled U.S. Sen. Burris to resign last year]. "I hope that he'll [Cohen] sit down with some people that he trusts with good political judgment who will tell him what's ahead. This is not going to go away. It's just going to reach a point where he ultimately will realize he can't be lieutenant governor." I'm guessing Durbin didn't mean Cohen should sit down with his whores, although he certainly trusts them.

Cohen would not go gently into that dark night, however. Or go darkly into that gentle night for that matter. He went on a media blitz in an attempt to clear his name after revelations that he has been accused of abusing women, failing to pay child support and spending lavishly on extramarital affairs. That blitz included a bizarre local television interview where he dragged out his ex-wife - Debra York-Cohen [I love when women divorce a guy but keep his name; I guess since she keeps half of everything he ever owned or will own, she may as well keep the name, too]. That was a mistake, Scott. No sooner did the red light of the camera go on than York-Scott - siting right next to her ex, by the way - told the interviewer that she stood by her divorce allegations that Cohen abused her, took illegal steroids and cheated on her. Gee, thanks, honey.

Rep. Davis, a longtime West Side Chicago Congressman, said he called Cohen on Friday to express the precarious position his candidacy puts the Democratic Party in, but talked to a campaign staff member instead. Cohen refused to get on the phone with him. "It's all contingent, quite frankly, on Mr. Cohen," Davis said. "I don't know that anybody can force him to withdraw his candidacy."

Prior to Sunday night, Cohen had said he didn't want to step aside and that his background would be a strength for the Democratic statewide ticket. Presumably he meant the fact that he's an up-from-the-bootstraps millionaire, not that he could have captured the whore-going vote [although if he did so, he'd win in a landslide, no doubt]. Cohen parted ways with his media relations company, also last Friday. Before his announcement Sunday night, a new spokeswoman had said Cohen had no response to the Democratic calls for him to leave the Lieutenant Governor's race. I guess now we have his response.

Gov. Pat Quinn, who would have been forced to be Cohen's "running mate" thanks to the quirks of Illinois election law, didn't "see a reason to call" Cohen, a Quinn campaign spokeswoman had said Friday. Although Quinn has said Cohen should consider stepping down.

As Democrats tried to twist Cohen's arm from afar, Republicans were giddily trying not to gloat too loudly. They said the debacle only helps their chances this fall. They may be getting ahead of themselves however: they still don't know who their gubernatorial nominee will be. State Sen. Kirk Dillard trails State Sen. Bill Brady by 420 votes. Dillard has said he wants every vote counted before a Republican governor nominee is declared [gee, there's a novel idea]. Dillard said he is prepared to wait for at least another two weeks for absentee and provisional ballots to be counted. Meanwhile, Brady met with top party officials along with former rival and ex-GOP chairman Andy McKenna, a wealthy businessman who trailed Brady and Dillard in the primary election. They discussed fundraising as Brady acknowledged it is difficult to raise money for the fall campaign with the contest still unsettled. "We feel, based on expert advice that we're given, that we will continue to prevail and (gain a) victory," Brady said.

Back to Cohen. He insists that he didn't know that the woman he met at a suburban Chicago massage parlor in 2005 was a prostitute [I guess the hand-job at the end of it didn't give it away]. But records show that at about the same time he visited the Glenview, Illinois, spa and met the woman, Amanda J. Eneman [how funny is that - sounds a lot like enema, no?], the business had been the subject of numerous complaints of prostitution.

Eneman herself was arrested for prostitution at the Eden Spa in April 2005 for performing a sex act on an undercover police officer in exchange for $150. Yes, you read that right: she completed the act. While everywhere else in the country, law enforcement officials by law are forbidden to actually go through with the act during sex-sting operations, in Illinois they are allowed to actually accept the blowjob. So, if you want to be a cop, move to Illinois. The police report quoted her telling the officer at the end of their session [presumably when her mouth wasn't full, as that would be rude] that prostitution was common there.

Cohen said he got only a "straight massage" at the Eden Spa, with no sexual contact. I've no doubt it was a "straight massage" but that only means the one blowing him didn't have cock and balls, too. He said Eneman became his live-in girlfriend after they met there. Later, she accused him of domestic battery, but the charge was dropped after she failed to appear in court. This is probably because she herself was wanted on a prostitution warrant. So, it seems likely that is why Cohen wasn't brought up on charges; not that she made it up.

Details of the battery arrest, including her allegation that he held a knife to her throat, have surfaced since Cohen's primary victory. An obvious fan of Charlie Sheen, Cohen has called on his former girlfriend to come forward and discuss their relationship publicly so that "the facts come to light."

Uh, Scott: if you thought dragging out your ex-wife was a bad idea, having the whore speak wasn't a stroke of brilliance, either. Because once the whore/former girlfriend spoke, his situation got worse. On Saturday Eneman issued a statement through her lawyer saying Cohen was not fit to hold public office. And that's not the worst of it. Guess who this whore's lawyer is: a much higher-priced whore, Gloria Allred. When someone you're battling with retains that bitch as their lawyer, you may as well just start writing the settlement check. Allred said Eneman lived with Cohen for “about a year some four or five years ago. Based on her personal observations during the course of their relationship and his behavior, Miss Eneman does not believe that he is fit to hold any public office, including that of lieutenant governor,” Allred cackled. And Eneman blew him, so she ought to know, right? I think it was the late-Ann Landers who said you can tell a lot about a man by holding his penis in your mouth. Or was that Marilyn Chambers?

While Cohen has not given a detailed timeline for his relationship with Eneman, his statements indicate that he likely met her around April 2005. Glenview police shut the spa down after the April 22, 2005 arrests, and Cohen has said that his relationship with Eneman lasted "five or six months." The incident that led to the battery charge occurred October 14,2005 - about six months after her arrest. She pleaded guilty October 27, 2005 to the prostitution charge, meaning she was charged and dealing with that case while they lived together at Cohen's apartment.

When the Chicago Tribune first asked Cohen about the relationship on February 3, 2010, Cohen said through a spokesman that he met her in a bar. But the next day Cohen acknowledged that he met her at Eden Spa. Cohen also said that the first explanation was a "misstatement" by his spokesman. This reminds me of Charles Barkley, who once explained that he had been misquoted in his autobiography.

Eneman had been an employee of the business since at least July 2004, according to Lake County court records from an unrelated arrest. Details from the police report of Eneman's arrest say the undercover police officer entered Eden Spa and asked for a "session with Mandi." He and Amanda went into a private room. He paid her for the time, and she asked if he wanted an "exotic massage." He said yes, and she performed oral sex on him, to climax, according to the police report. I'm sure the officer enjoys his job, folks.

Eneman, who used the name "Mandi" with Eden customers, according to court records, pleaded guilty to one count of prostitution stemming from the Glenview arrest.

Now 29, Eneman apparently still works for the same company giving massages [hey, a girl's gotta live, right?]. The business has relocated at least twice since the 2005 arrest, and is now located in Villa Park, Illinois [for those of you visiting the Chicago area in the next week or so]. Customers must call for directions and an address for the business, which is not marked by any signage and is located in a storefront office suite in a small commercial complex in the western suburb.

A Tribune reporter - who, presumably, would not be allowed to go through with the act to completion, visited the massage parlor where she works on February 4, 2010, and spoke to a woman who handled appointments as well as giving massages. The reporter asked if "Mandi" or Amanda was available. The woman said she was not there at the moment, and could not give a schedule of when she would next work, saying she usually gave massages by pre-arranged appointment. The reporter asked the worker if she knew Amanda Eneman well, and she responded, "I hope so, I'm her boss."

At that point, the reporter gave the woman his Tribune business card and asked her to have Eneman call him. Later that day, a woman called the reporter's desk and left a voice-mail message, stating: "Hi. I received your business card. You're looking for me. I don't know exactly what it could be that you need to find me. I would appreciate that you make no further contact to locate me. Thank you." This was two days before her statement was released by Allred.

The reporter then returned to the massage parlor and encountered two women, including one who fit Eneman's physical description. The reporter addressed that woman as "Mandi," and asked to talk to her. She said nothing, but another woman with her yelled, "Quick--run to the car!" and told the reporter they wanted nothing to do with the story.

Whores aside, from a political standpoint this is de ja vu all over again. As in 1986, Democratic and Republican primary voters nominated inexperienced, unknown rich guys to be the running mates for their gubernatorial candidates. This time, lumber company heir Jason Plummer, 27, spent more than $1.3 million in family money to get 34% of the GOP primary vote, enough to prevail in a six-candidate field. Pawnbroker Cohen, 44, spent more than $2 million to get just 26% of his party's vote, but again enough to prevail in a six-candidate field.

This is because party bosses on both sides, reporters and voters have never paid much attention to the Lieutenant Governor contests. The job itself is negligible. There are no specified duties in the state constitution. And the so-called "lite gov" position is so unimportant that, when it comes vacant, as it did a year ago when then-Lt. Gov. Quinn stepped in to replace the ousted Blagojevich, it stays vacant until the next election. And no one notices.

Again, this happened in 1986. Then, a follower of the lunatic Lyndon LaRouche - Mark Fairchild - took advantage of voter inattention and indifference to win the Democratic Lieutenant Governor nomination. This forced Democratic gubernatorial nominee Adlai Stevenson III to leave the Democratic ticket and run (and lose) as a third-party candidate.

You would think that, after that experience the Illinois General Assembly might have found time in the ensuing 24 years to rewrite state law to allow gubernatorial nominees or state party conventions to choose running mates, or at least to require running mates to run together in the primaries. Apparently, the rewrite could be done without a constitutional amendment. It would not only prevent stealth candidates from becoming constitutional officers, it would also make it more likely that Illinois' governor would actually make use of his LG instead of ignoring and ostracizing him, as Blagojevich did to Quinn.

Even forgiving them for not doing anything from 1987-2008, you would think after the Blago scandal - and how obviously difficult it was for even a politician with a long resume like Quinn's to take over in a crisis - that they might've gotten around to doing something. Instead, this year party leaders and all but one of the gubernatorial candidates (Republican McKenna, who trails the other two GOP guys and who named State Sen. Matt Murphy as his unofficial running mate) daintily expressed no preference whatsoever about the raft of aspirants who were pouring money into absurd campaigns promising to do more with a do-nothing office.

You think Cohen, Plummer and the rest really, really want to bang the gavel at the Illinois River Coordinating Council meetings [the only written job requirement for the LG]? Uh, no. They are looking at the fact that this do-nothing office has launched the careers of former Sen. Paul Simon [D], Illinois Superior Court Judge Neil Hartigan [D], the convicted former Governor George Ryan [R] and current Governor Quinn.

Two of the last three Illinois governors have been indicted, one convicted. One of those two came to the office via the LG position. That's why Illinois needs to change the law. But, please, not until we get to enjoy the Cohen saga a little while longer.

Shock and Awe

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan [above] says the lending industry's lobbying campaign was no surprise. Which means it probably was quite a shock.

Health care is not the only White House domestic policy proposal getting hammered. Four months ago, it appeared all but certain that President Obama and Democrats in Congress would succeed in overhauling the entire student loan business and in ending government subsidies to private lenders. So likely was its passage that President Obama called the idea a “no-brainer” last fall, predicting it would take billions of dollars from the profits of private lenders and give it directly to students. Indeed, many colleges were already moving to get loans directly from the federal government in anticipation of the next move by Congress.

Not so fast there, professor. Never underestimate the power of the loan industry's lobbyists. Ever. An aggressive lobbying campaign by the nation’s biggest student lenders has now put one of the White House’s signature plans in peril, with lenders using sit-downs with lawmakers, town-hall-style meetings and petition drives to plead their case and stay in business, gorging themselves at the public trough.

House and Senate aides say that the Administration’s plan faces a far tougher fight than it did last fall, when the House passed its version. Why, you ask? Well, I'm getting a little sick of hearing about how Sen. Scott Brown's [R, Mass.] surprise victory changed the entire world. It goes to show that politics is a feeding frenzy like anything else. True, Brown's election cost Democrats their filibuster-proof majority in the Senate. And it's also true that the brawl over Obama's absurd health care plan has changed the dynamic of all domestic proposals from the President. But in the student loan case, nothing was as powerful as the fierce attacks from the lending industry and its lackeys. Combined, all of this has damaged the chances for the student loan measure. While Obama Administration officials are trying to say that they had recognized the threat months ago and are now beginning to push back in an effort to get the plan approved, it may be too little too late [which might not be a bad slogan for the President in 2012].

Sallie Mae, a publicly traded company that is the nation’s biggest student lender with $22 billion in loans originated last year, led the field in spending $8 million on lobbying in 2009, more than double the year before, and other lenders spent millions of dollars more. Political action committees [PACs] for the lenders and company employees made $2.1 million in political contributions last year, with the money split evenly among Democrat and Republican candidates. Sallie Mae’s PAC alone made $194,000 in donations.

Some 10 million students got loans last year to help pay for their educations, and for years there has been disagreement about whether having the federal government take over virtually the entire lending program would help or hurt students. Private lenders, naturally, warn that students may default on their loans more often because they will get less counseling. That, of course, is ridiculous. I find it hard to believe that the counseling that private lenders provide students has ever made the difference in a single default in the history of the entire program. On the other side of the argument, the Obama Administration says students will benefit from more grants and expanded educational programs. This, too, is probably laughable. Students almost never benefit any time the federal government expands anything.

A defeat for the White House at the hands of the industry will provide further evidence of the Administration’s sagging political fortunes. The unexpected loss of that Massachusetts Senate seat has given opponents of the lending plan an opportunity that seemed unlikely last September, when the House approved legislation to move to a federally-sponsored loan program.

The student loan industry, which would be forced out of the loan origination business if the proposal became law, is seeking to cast the Administration’s plan as an ill-conceived government takeover that could put thousands of people out of work at private lending centers around the country at a time when unemployment is hovering around 10%. This is asinine. The student loan companies probably care less about their employees than they do the students they lend to. With 10% unemployment, a few more thousand isn't going to make a dent in any recession. The reality is these guys make boatloads of money from the program and don't want to give up sailing.

“We anticipated this,” said Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, speaking of the lending industry’s lobbying efforts. I've found that generally when someone tells you they anticipated something, it is actually a complete shock to them. “They’ve [the lenders] had a sweet deal. They’ve had this phenomenal deal that taxpayers have subsidized, and that’s a hard thing to give up.”

Private lenders get a cut of the federally backed loans that they originate and service, with little risk of their own. At Sallie Mae, lobbyists for the firm are focusing on Senators regarded as fiscal conservatives, as well as those in states that are home to lending centers with jobs at stake, including Florida, Illinois, Nebraska, New York and Pennsylvania, said John F. Remondi, chief financial officer for the company.

But the student loan industry isn't General Motors, folks. Student loan lenders employ only about 35,000 people around the country. Plus, estimates differ as to how many jobs would be eliminated if the federal government took over all direct lending on student loans. “We haven’t left any stone unturned — we’ll meet with anyone who will meet us,” Remondi said in an interview. I'm sure he hasn't left any stone unturned: he probably crawled out from under one of them. “We’re trying to identify at least 12 Senators who would be helpful in this process.” Another way of saying it would be "We're trying to identify at least 12 Senators who we can buy."

At the same time, Sallie Mae and other lenders have staged a series of town-hall-style meetings at their job centers around the country to help mobilize opposition to the White House plan and collect thousands of signatures for a petition drive in support of their own plan. Anybody who has enough time on their hands that they can stop to sign a stupid petition from the student loan industry is not a 'Type A' personality, I think we can all agree.

“I would think that the White House would prefer not to make Senators vote for something that is going to be very unpopular in their states — and for good reason,” said Jamie Gorelick. Recognize that name? You should. She was Deputy Attorney General of the United States under President Clinton. More importantly, she was responsible for the "Gorelick Wall" - a 1995 memo that codified a policy in place since the Church Commission of the 1970s. The wall segregated criminal investigators and intelligence agents from sharing information. The 9/11 Commission - of which Gorelick was actually a member - stated that the wall barred anti-terror investigators from accessing the computer of Zacarias Moussaoui, the 20th 9/11 hijacker, who was already in custody on an immigration violation prior to the attacks. So, after that handywork, what is Ms. Gorelick doing in Washington now? Oh, did I mention: she is now lobbying for the lending industry.

For his part, Obama defended his plan in his State of the Union address. “To make college more affordable, this bill will finally end the unwarranted taxpayer subsidies that go to banks for student loans” and use the savings to finance other educational programs, he said to cheers from Democrats. “In the United States of America,” Obama said, “no one should go broke because they chose to go to college.” Of course, if you follow that logic it means that people who didn't chose to go to college do deserve to go broke, right?

The money that would be saved by cutting out the private-industry middlemen — about $80 billion over the next decade, according to a Congressional Budget Office [CBO] analysis — could instead go toward expanding direct Pell Grants to students, establishing $10,000 tax credits for families with loans, and forgiving debts eventually for students who go into public service. As I mentioned before, I was born 20 years too early. The bill would also shift tens of billions of dollars in expected savings to early learning programs, community colleges and the modernization of public school facilities.

Rep. George Miller [D, Calif.], who has led the fight for the lending overhaul as Chairman of the House Education Committee, predicted that the plan would ultimately pass. “If people want to lose $80 billion on the taxpayer’s dime for the very narrow interests of Sallie Mae, I guess they can decide that, but it makes no economic sense to me,” he said. “They had a great ride for years.”

If Congress backs Obama’s proposal, opponents say that students will forfeit the individualized service that private lenders are supposedly better able to offer: a one-on-one meeting in a high school gym, a range of loan options to pick from, or an 11th-hour meeting to avoid a default. This is horseshit. Financial aid administrators at the various colleges and universities do far more counseling - and far more good - for students than do these industry hucksters posing as "counselors".

Realizing that it is unlikely that no action will be taken, the lenders have offered an alternative proposal to retain a more active role in originating loans, which they say would generate significant federal savings — $67 billion in the next decade, according to the CBO.

Some financial aid professionals at elite colleges around the country say they are worried that the political uncertainty over the loan proposal and the one-size-fits-all approach of the White House’s approach could hurt colleges and students. “We’re caught in a political struggle,” Caesar Storlazzi, the chief financial aid officer at Yale [who knew Yale even had a financial aid office?]. Like a wave of other colleges in recent months, Yale decided in November to switch from private-sector loans to the federal government’s direct-lending program. But with passage of the White House plan now appearing “less inevitable,” Storlazzi wonders whether keeping the private lenders in business is better for students. “It really felt like the Administration was just shoving this down our throats,” he said. [Gee, where have I heard that before?] “It feels a bit like a federal takeover.” With competition among lenders, he said, “We get better prices and services.”

As is usually the case in these things, the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. Which is exactly where the average student is going to be left, no matter what happens.